Homeschool Struggles

I have done a lot of reflecting on my homeschooling philosophy this summer.  Why do I homeschool?  What do I want for my children to get out of it?  These were some of the questions I wrestled with and many others.  I found myself wondering what benefit it was to myself and my children to homeschool.  I struggled with whether it might be more beneficial to take my skills and talents into the workforce and if my children might be better off being taught by someone else.  I viewed my homeschooling efforts of last year as a colossal failure.

I also wondered if I was being selfish in keeping my children home and preventing them from living a "normal" life.  I struggled with my own memories of school, good and bad.  The school setting is part of our culture, whether private or public, and I found myself feeling guilty that I was depriving my children of being a part of that culture.  But I also know that it is a difficult culture to be a part of.

One of the things I also struggled with last year was rooted in the fact that I am in a unique situation.  We are not technically a homeschooling family, according to the law and the general consensus of how homeschooling families view homeschooling.  We are part of a growing community of what is called "Alternative Learning Experience" or home-based instruction families.  Often I did not feel supported by the homeschooling community because of this minute distinction of the fact that I recieve my curriculum from the public school system and have a state-certified teacher who supervises my children's progress.  I am required to maintain the same amount of hours as a public school student every week, though I do not have to fit them into the window of a normal school day, I am given much freedom and flexibility with those hours and am only held to a monthly total.  I am also expected to complete a certain amount of the curriculum each month.

Needless to say that by the end of last school year I was one burnt out Mama.  I was having trouble meeting the expectations that were being demanded of me both by myself and by my teacher.  I didn't feel that I had much support in my endeavors.

I came to the conclusion that I was putting myself, and thus my children, under a lot of pressure.  I couldn't meet the expectations of others.  I was torn for many reasons.  Financially we were struggling, and I felt guilty that I wasn't contributing.  Combined with the pressures mentioned above I really found myself wondering whether I was capable.  Not only that, but people tend to look at you when you say you're homeschooling and say "Wow!  You're brave!  I could never teach my own children!"  And you find yourself wondering whether you have what it takes.

Here is the conclusion that I came to.  I am going to allow my children to grow and learn at their paces.  I have taken some of the things that I enjoyed about school and applied them to homeschooling.  I am working on making learning fun because that is one of the main reasons that I wanted to homeschool in the first place.  I realized that I was modeling my homeschooling after the schooling standard, the problem is that I disagree with that form of education.  If I am homeschooling because I want to remove my children from that environment, then why am I following that philosophy?  It seems silly to me.  Just because I am using public school curriculum does not mean that I have to follow a public school philosophy.  That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.